Back in April, I did a TEDx talk!
It was always something I thought would be cool to do, but not something I had considered in great detail. Then suddenly, I wanted to do one more than anything. It felt like the right time, I had a good idea, and I felt ready to share.
So, I became a TEDx stalker. I researched every UK-based TEDx event coming up, reviewed their themes, and thought about how my idea might align with them. I looked up the organisers on LinkedIn to get a sense of their passions and interests, hoping to see if we might get on!
Then I started applying, keeping an eye on application windows and sending off my applications. I wanted to talk about the world of work—how the way organisations are currently set up is leaving people burned out, sick, and disengaged. I applied to a few events and mostly got ignored or received polite rejections.
I wasn’t tooooo disheartened. I knew TEDx was a competitive field and perhaps my idea needed fine-tuning. Maybe it wasn’t interesting enough?
Then one day—honestly, I can't even remember why—I realized that my idea was too safe, too generic, too disconnected from my soul. I understood that deep down, I wanted to talk about something else. I wanted to talk about something that for years, I had 100% wanted to avoid talking about: being an alcoholic.
It was something I had denied for years, then quietly accepted and gotten sober under the radar. For many years, it felt like my biggest shame. Then, it started to feel like a significant and precious part of who I am, but still, I wondered if other people would understand. There is so much stigma and judgment attached to addiction, isn’t there? Surely, if I spoke publicly about it, everyone would judge me and think badly of me.
Which was exactly why I had to do it. I had to talk about the stigma and stereotypes we attach to addiction and alcoholism. I wanted to share my story along with some science about why we get addicted and how we all have our own addictions—whether it’s social media, porn, comfort eating, or negative self-talk. We all use something to numb and avoid our feelings.
So, I rewrote my pitch. I threw out my old “work is making us sick” idea and created my new “we need to change how we see addiction” pitch.
And you know what? The first application I sent out received a response the next day—they were delighted to have me speak at their event!
In the run-up to the event, I felt weird. I didn’t consciously feel that nervous. I do a lot of public speaking, so I wasn’t scared about getting up on stage. I had probably presented to much bigger audiences as part of my job.
But I kept feeling strange. My body temperature would drop dramatically, and I would feel shivery and flu-like. I would get really breathless in the shower and have to stop and catch my breath. I googled it, as we all do, and self-diagnosed perimenopause (it’s always perimenopause!), but then I spoke to a colleague who told me she was pretty sure I wasn’t experiencing perimenopause. She thought my nervous system was freaking out. I was writing a script for a talk where I would share some of my deepest shames with the world. I was going to get up on stage and talk about things I hadn’t ever shared beyond my closest friends. And then it would go on YouTube for anyone to comment on!
No wonder my body was freaking out, even if my conscious mind wasn’t.
Then, about 10 days before the talk, I realised I would have to memorise it! It wasn’t like a workshop where you can just show a slide and talk around it. I needed to stick to my script—the one the event had approved and the one I had lovingly created to cover all the important points I wanted to share. So began the constant breaking down and reciting of passages in the car, in the kitchen, and while walking the dogs. I tried to find the fine balance between not forgetting any of my points and not sounding like a robot reciting word for word!
Then the day came. As I stood up and got ready to speak, I felt totally serene. It was my story, my message, and my time to share it. I felt calm and collected; it just felt right.
My wonderful friend was in the audience to support me and cheer me on. After I finished speaking and sat back down next to her, I murmured, “I smashed it,” and she nodded and said, “Yeah, you did.”
Watch it here - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TA3Avy1iUao
It takes such courage to be so vulnerable 💜
As the friend who was in the audience I can confirm this is so worth a watch. You delivered it brilliantly and did indeed SMASH it!