Lessons for 8 years of sobriety: burnout, anxiety and shame

A while back, I gave up alcohol for good. I gave up the rose pinot grigio nectar forever. I hung up my drinking boots and stepped, kicking and screaming, into a life of sobriety.

So here are eight insights from doing something I never thought possible.

1. I don't actually like socialising that much

I used to socialise a lot. What I've since realised is that most of it was just a very good excuse to drink. Turns out what I actually love is getting into bed early with my dogs and a murder mystery. (Part sobriety. Part being old?)

2. You need your person

My best friend Claire is my one-person sobriety support network. She is there when I need to vent, there when I feel like I could down a pint of wine, and she still marks the day every year to remind me what an achievement it is. Everyone navigating this needs a Claire. I am damn lucky I have mine.

3. Alcoholism takes up an enormous amount of time

Drinking, recovering, planning the next drink, thinking about the last drink, cringing about terrible things you did drunk. It is all-consuming. I am genuinely not sure I would have done any of the things I've done since if I'd kept going. Started a business. Had my daughter. Got four dogs. Become a TEDx speaker. Worked with so many incredible brands as clients. Done the actual hard work on my mental health. There are only so many hours in a day, and when the majority are taken up with booze, there's very little room or energy for much else.

4. Alcohol and anxiety is like putting petrol on a fire

Booze makes everything feel better for a few hours (and I still miss that immediate relief). BUT then it takes it all back with interest and makes your anxiety so, so much worse. It's like the worst medication for anxiety. The worst.

5. Alcohol-free wine is disgusting

Like watered-down vinegar. It is vile. Also, there's no alcohol in it! It sucks.

6. Getting sober taught me I am capable of extraordinary things

When I was drinking I once saw a cheesy meme that said 'what are you proud of?' I muttered to myself: 'I'm not sure I'm proud of anything.' Six months sober I saw the same meme and smiled and said out loud: 'Oh my goodness, I'm proud of everything.' I no longer hate myself. I think I am amazing.

7. When you stop drinking, you ain't magically fixed. Booo!!!!

So you have to buckle up and get ready to face a lot of shite without your favourite crutch. Without my beloved pinot grigio rose and all the drama that came with it, I had to face a lot of other demons. And I had to do it sober.

It's really hard. It's horribly painful. And it's 100% worth it.

8. The shame passes

I went from holding on to this as a dark secret I couldn't imagine ever speaking about, to doing a TEDx Talk on my addiction for the whole world to see. It's part of my identity now, and I'm proud of it.

Most of my besties these days are recovered alcoholics. We all rock.

When I ask myself whether I'd wave a magic wand and take the addiction away if I could, the answer is no. It's part of who I am. Part of why I am a bad-ass. It taught me a lot. Plus it gave me some funny stories (and some truly dreadful ones!).

I am proud of my addiction and my ability to overcome it. And I hope that speaking openly about it helps someone realise they don't have to stay quiet and in shame. There's nothing shameful about getting addicted to an addictive substance.

If you'd like to watch my full TEDx you can see it HERE

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