Chasing the dopamine dragon: what ADHD and boredom really feel like

Boredom can be a drag, sure. But I've noticed just how much I struggle with it recently. On a whim I put "I'm bored" into Google, expecting it to give me a fun mobile game I could play for a bit, but it brought up an explanation that made me feel a lot better.

Why boredom can feel like torture

It described how, when you have ADHD, boredom isn't just "ugh this is dull." It can feel like physical pain, like I want to rip my own face off pain.

There's a term for it apparently. "Borture." Boredom as torture. Turns out it's rooted in how an ADHD brain processes dopamine. Low-reward, routine tasks don't activate the reward networks the way they do in a neurotypical brain. So the mundane stuff, the stuff that's supposed to feel calm and easy, doesn't register as restful. It registers as understimulation. And understimulation spikes cortisol and mimics an actual crisis. Your body responds like something's wrong, because as far as your nervous system is concerned, something is. THIS MAKES SO MUCH SENSE TO ME!!!

Years and years ago, my husband (then boyfriend) and I went to watch one of those cheesy tourist dance shows in Bali. I thought I might die of boredom. It took everything in me not to get up and walk out. He couldn't understand why I couldn't just sit and enjoy an hour of dancing. But it straight up felt like torture. I can remember every boring, too-long film I've had to sit through in the cinema in my life where I wasn't sure I'd make it out alive. Picture the credits rolling, me in my chair, slumped over my popcorn, eyes scratched out from the boredom.

Feeding the dopamine dragon

So for most of my life I've managed to mostly just steer clear of feeling really bored. Keep myself busy with tasks and quick fixes of the old dopamine. But when you're a parent, well, there's quite a lot of repetitive, tedious activity. There's a lot of standing in parks pushing swings, or sitting in soft play, or watching Gabby's Dollhouse for the 50th time. Let's call a spade a spade, it's boring! And my ADHD brain does not like it. I now understand my nervous system sees this as understimulation, as a threat.

A few weeks back, my daughter and I had what should have been a lovely, gentle day. Local park. A cafe. A wander about. The sort of day that isn't going into anyone's core memories, but it's nice nonetheless.

I ended it feeling like I'd been through a shredder. I felt dreadful, anxious, frustrated, headachey, and just uuuurrrggghhhaaaaaaaggghhh!!! Like I wanted to punch a wall. I was also, if I'm honest, a miserable feck to be around for most of it. Snappy. Flat. Not the mum I wanted to be that day.

The next morning I woke up and thought: I cannot do yesterday again.

So we went indoor skydiving. And indoor sledging at the snow dome.

I needed to feed the dopamine dragon, and Gabby's Dollhouse and a colouring book were not going to cut it.

I wasn't suddenly zen (I mean, I don't know what that even feels like!!), but the agitated restlessness dropped right down. I didn't feel like ripping my own face off anymore. It was a hell of a lot better than park day.

My daughter got a brilliant, memorable day out of it too, which is a nice bonus, but I'll be honest, I didn't do it for her. I did it because I was drowning and needed a way out.

What this means if boredom hits you (or your team) hard

I've spent a long time feeling guilty about how much a "normal" parenting day can make me feel so awful compared to a full-on week at work. But having some more understanding, and a language for it, helps a little.

If any of this sounds familiar, whether it's your own brain, a kid's, a partner's, or someone on your team's, it's worth knowing that "just push through the boring bit" isn't neutral advice for everyone. For some brains, boredom is a genuine stress state, not a character flaw.