High functioning or high masking? The reality of energy, authenticity and burnout

Recently I was reflecting on just how much energy it takes to show up in the world, especially when we feel we have to perform, adapt or fit in. This is something I see come up again and again in conversations about wellbeing, burnout and neurodivergence.

I had just come back from three keynote talks in three cities, London, Zurich and Dublin. The sessions were brilliant and full of energy. One of the key themes I was speaking about was masking in the context of neuro-inclusion. And I have been musing on just how often we all mask, and what it truly costs us physically, mentally and emotionally.

We often talk about people as “high functioning” or “low functioning”, especially when it comes to neurodivergence, addiction or mental health.

But frankly, “high functioning” is nonsense. And usually when people refer to someone else as high functioning, what they really mean is “they do not really inconvenience me”. It is about keeping everything looking fine on the outside, while paying for it internally with exhaustion, anxiety or burnout.

Hello??!! This is my life!

Masking is not just a neurodivergent experience. We all do it. At work, with family, in social situations. It is a survival response, it helps us “fit in” with the tribe. But it is also so very, very draining on the nervous system. For me, small talk is one of the biggest energy drains going. I recently found myself at a wedding feeling completely depleted by chit chat, then suddenly energised when a conversation turned real and meaningful. Same environment, very different impact on my nervous system and energy levels.

One thing I am also becoming much more aware of is which people and situations feel “nervous system friendly” and which ones activate me.

Neither is necessarily right or wrong. But the difference is in what I do next. If I know something will take a lot of social energy, I now try to plan for recovery instead of pretending it will be fine and pushing through anyway. This kind of nervous system awareness has become a huge part of how I think about sustainable working and burnout prevention.

Past Clare would absolutely have ignored that and paid for it later.

A question from someone in Zurich really helped me articulate this. She said she thought she used to be an introvert, but maybe she is an ambivert because her company is very social. I asked her how she recharges, how she renews her energy.

Her answer was, “Oh, by being alone. Definitely.”

You can enjoy people and want to be social and still need solitude to recover. Knowing that about yourself is not a weakness, it is vital information. It helps you plan what you need and be more attuned to what comes with a cost to your wellbeing.

For many women, especially neurodivergent women, masking has been part of survival for most of our lives.

We are taught not to be difficult, not to be too much, to keep the peace on the outside even when there is no peace inside. This level of chronic masking is one of the reasons neurodivergence in women is so often missed and so often leads to burnout later in life.

I am learning that the work now is noticing what I can let go of, what I no longer need to apologise for, and where I need firmer boundaries to stay well. Boundaries are not just a nice idea, they are essential for nervous system regulation and long-term wellbeing.

If any of this resonates, I explore it in much more depth in this week’s podcast episode.

It is about masking, nervous systems, boundaries, neuro-inclusion and why living outside of your authentic limits for too long is one of the fastest routes to burnout.

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